Being with Angry Humans

A friend of mine posted about being verbally attacked with racial slurs by a stranger at a gas pump. I think everyone is running a little scared these days. Here are some thoughts about ways of dealing with that kind of scary interaction:

I imagine you would like to avoid further altercations like that. What about next time you have to go out of the house? Will you resist and make due until going out can no longer be avoided (like when you run out of toilet paper or wine)? I’m familiar with this coping tactic and it’s getting kind of old because I realize I’m letting fear of facing the scared and angry humans of the world imprison me.

Another coping strategy is to set my jaw and harden my heart. Putting up walls helps keep the scary stuff out, but it blocks the joy, too. I end up getting through the day, but what have I created at the end of it? Maybe I haven’t added to the chaos of the world, but I haven’t made it better either. Using all my energy just coping with difficult situations means I have nothing left to add to the beauty of the world.

A third strategy is to harden up and go into battle with the world. As tempting as this is, I see the result is more fear, anger and ugliness. In the end, the ugliest wins and we all lose.

I am developing a fourth strategy. I decide what qualities I admire in the world, like creativity, generosity, fearlessness or optimism. I assume that other humans value these qualities, too. I walk out of the door with an open heart. An open heart allows for everything to come in, including joy.

When I interact with another person I think, “How can I make you like me more?” When I say like me more, I don’t mean this in a people-pleasing kind of way, I mean this in a “the world is beautiful and so am I” kind of way. How can I show this quality to you? Since I can’t control what that other guy is going to do, it’s in my best interest to make the world in a way I cherish.

If I avoid the world, close my heart, just get by or go into combat, I miss so many opportunities to change the world for the better.

In the case of a scared and angry guy lashing out at the gas pump, I would probably start with compassion. He’s adopted the combat coping mechanism to deal with his fear and anger. I could do the same and add to the ugliness of the world, or I could make myself safe, recover my equilibrium, open my heart and go in for my next interaction. If I stay in the game and keep bringing to the world the qualities that make life worth living, the world gets better.