Reclaim your attitude.
Development of a positive attitude is often stated as a key life skill for success.
Upon reading the words “positive attitude” I felt the urge to punch something.
Being interested in this negative response to the words I decided to delve deeper to find out how the concept of “positive attitude” could become useful for me and my clients.
Firstly, I remember growing up and hearing the words “You’d better change your attitude,” pretty often. Those words enraged me then and apparently still do.
What is an attitude? An attitude is a physical position in orientation to the world. Think of a man standing in an attitude of despair. It is an embodied thing. Now think of someone with a positive attitude.
The way you are being is wrong!
When someone tells you to have a positive attitude or to change your attitude, they are telling you that way you are being right now is wrong, that you need to be a different way. This is hardly an effective solution. People are the way they are for reasons.
If a kid is crying and complaining it not because they just need to change their attitude, it is probably because they are hungry or tired. They have an attitude of irritation because they are uncomfortable. When we say “change your attitude” its like yelling at an already uncomfortable child “You are wrong to be that way!” How can they be any other way?
The answer in this case is to feed the child or give them a nap and a sunny disposition will be restored.
If you as an adult are walking around in attitude of despair and the world is telling you you need a positive attitude, it is like telling you you are wrong to feel the way you do.
Reclaim your attitude.
In order to make the words “positive attitude” meaningful, you must reclaim your attitude. It is not as if the outside world owns your attitude and has a right to tell you when it is wrong. It is up to you to feel well and express that feeling to the world through your attitude.
Much of communication is non-verbal and our attitude is the position of our bodies. If we are depressed or in despair it shows. It is a process of reclaiming responsibility for our feelings and doing what we need to feel well that will allow us to demonstrate a positive attitude to the world.
No one has a right to tell you that your feelings are wrong. They are what they are. If you find yourself adopting a fake positive attitude to try to please people, please stop; you are just tiring yourself out.
You will never please everyone, so use your energies instead to learn to please yourself. They you will truly be able to demonstrate a positive attitude for the world.
